Ellie's Story

ELLIE'S STORY

This is Ellie’s story as told by her regarding her on-going battle with mental health.

“I’ve had many messages off friends/work colleagues etc. Some I have replied too and some I have not. I don’t need to explain my story but I am an open book and shouldn’t be ashamed as 1 in 4 people will experience mental health in their life and I choose to speak in the hope I can help others.

The last few years my mental health has suffered...
- I have struggled to cope with my emotions.
- Endless nights crying.
- Pushing people away.
- Not looking after myself or my flat.
- Binge eating.
- Hurting myself and others.
- Not washing my hair.
- My everyday emotions are like a roller-coaster.
- Feeling an emptiness and brokenness inside that I can’t even describe.
- Breaking down and struggling to cope when I’m alone.

I knew I was depressed but I had no idea that I could be suffering a personality disorder (1 in 100 people suffer a personality disorder and many have no idea) however now everything makes sense.
I’d spend my days at work and days off in bed, barely leaving the flat, and although I wanted to get better and try and feel better it seemed like such a mountain to climb, impossible and unbearable.
Things got much worse a few weeks ago when I struggled to sleep...

This is me after 3 days no sleep, I felt broken, the feelings I felt my stomach and chest were slowly becoming unbearable and I was exhausted.

For weeks I have felt suicidal and I had reached out and felt I got nowhere.
I was suffering horrendous headaches (little did I know I was suffering high blood pressure due to the stress).

The doctor prescribed Diazepam (it didn’t work) and things basically came to ahead on Sunday and I suffered a breakdown and basically lost my mind in front of friends and family. An ambulance was called (although I am humiliated and ashamed of how I acted during this breakdown, I am glad it has happened as I am getting the right help).
The hurt I’ve been feeling the last few months is indescribable and my body clearly has not been coping.
However I feel things would never got as far as that had if I had recognised the signs.

I have been prescribed zopiclone/oxazepam for my anxiety and insomnia and now have a diagnosis and starting to feel a bit better.
I see a psychiatrist on Monday, having to pay privately £350 for one session because the waiting list is too long.
It should never have got to this and if you’re reading this and you relate… PLEASE go to the doctor, PLEASE GET THE HELP NECESSARY!
If you can’t afford private, get on a waiting list now.

I just want people to be aware if you think your friend is struggling look for these signs.

I may have a personality disorder; I have been through a lot but I will not let it define me as a person. I can be on medication and have counselling in order to help me cope with my illness.
If you’re reading this and you’re going through similar emotions I know it’s hard to pull yourself out of a hole but honestly there’s so much more to life. People love you.

These are things I’ve started doing to help me, and within a few days I’ve noticed improvements. Please try some yourself.
- Take a walk.
- Embrace nature.
- Read a book.
- Meditate.
- Surround yourself with people that love you.
- Make your surroundings cosy, buy some blankets/pictures/plants.

“I’m so excited to get everything up and really make this flat my serene environment.”

You are loved so much.
I felt a burden on family and friends and didn’t reach out enough
Consider if your friend was struggling mentally and they needed you, would you think they were a burden? No? Would you want them to reach out? Of course!

REMEMBER, I hated the thought of people knowing I’m struggling but it’s okay to struggle! Just don’t struggle in silence!

Thank you so, so much for my friends and family for pulling together and being there for me through the hardest time of my life. I am so forever grateful and adore you all so much and although I’ve only just started my recovery, I’m slowly creeping out this hole I am in and I can see the light at the top! And that feeling is indescribable.”

Thank you, Ellie, for sharing your story and helping us to further raise awareness to mental health. 

The upmost respect for you in being so open and honest about your journey.
I think I speak for everyone in wishing you the best of luck in your battle, WE will support you anyway we can.

You’re a survivor and a warrior! 💪